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Lonley

Journal Entry: Wed Oct 18, 2006, 8:57 PM
  • Mood: Sadness
  • Listening to: Cascada-Everytime We Touch
  • Reading: none
  • Watching: none
  • Playing: none
  • Eating: none
  • Drinking: none
Okay, no one here knows this, but I have this "forbidden lover". I feel like such a whore because I have a boyfriend, but the guy I really love I can't be with.

His name is Orlando, I'm goign to put a picture of him in my scraps. I met him, this March[2006], and we had a thing for a while. We didn't go out....but...IDK,

Well, I had an orchestra competition and he was there supporting one of his friends[how sweet]and IDK, he was talkin to one of the judges I think. My friend Kayliegh and I were rating guys and she said oh, look over there, 10! Instead of looking at her guy, I saw him, he saw me, we were caught in each others' gaze. I'll remember this forever. Kayliegh went up to him and told him I thought he was hot and he came over to talk to me. He was shy and quiet. He kept on blushing. I just could not stop staring at him. He gave me a drawing of a rose with his number and e-mail address on it. I had to say good-bye so I went and gave him a hug. It felt like it lasted eternity.

I went home and e-mailed him that night, [at this time i had a myspace] and i gave him my myspace address.

We talked until May, and then my parents found out. They flipped. I had to get rid of my Myspace and i had no e-mail until July.

I think it wa slate June when he came to see me...he missed m and hadn't heard from me for awhile. I ran up to him and jumped on him and hugged him. Then we kissed, that day was our first and last kiss... I miss it so much, it was so gentle, yet he told me he wanted me.
I...I'm crying.

Then...he just cam eby after my parents still woudn't let me tlak to him...and late July/early August he came by with his dad so he could meet my parenst. I mean, how many guys would do that? And they STILL hated him!Oh, I lied, we kisse dthat day too.

I haven't seen him sense.

I am bawling my eyes out, I miss him so much. I...I...I love him. I mean, I would do anythign for people I love ( I love you if you know me highly personally). But put it this way, if he told me to slit my wrists, I would do it, if I thought that was what he really wanted.

I need advice, I am so lost. I don't know who I am without him...I...I...really am hallow inside. I just don't care about anythign anymore. It's like I'm supposed to be dead, but I'm too stubborn to die. I'm physically healthy, but mentally no. I am so...love sick. A hopeless romantic. A MAJOR ONE. All I ever wanted and dream about is love, and I finally found it, and then it was snatched from me. My parenst thought they were helpin me, they weren't. I'm not myself. I'm lost. I feel as if I am souless. NO, I don't feel souless, I feel-nothing. I don't know. Nothing matters to me anymore. Nothing is funny, nothing is cute, bright colors seem to annoy me, I have to work up energy to ge tout of bed. Food has lost it's taste...

Not to mention people. I know I am young, but I am fairly wise, or so my teachers say. I don't think I am...but all well.
Well, I can't really talk to anyone my age...they are so...inoocent. I mean, nothing has happened to them, they have a care-free life. I wish I were them, I wish I could be happy. I try, I really do, b ut some force, as soon as I get to the top, just pushes me back down. I give up, I can't stand life anymore. Mayeb I was not supposed to be here. Maybe I should just, leave.

I am a terrible person. If you know me, I am sorry. If you don't know me, stay away. I always hurt the people I am closest to and love, stay far away. Just leave me alone. Let me whither away.

Devious Information

  • Current Age: thirteen
  • Current Residence: My House
  • Interests: art, music, math, dance, being reclusive, Paganism, Wicca
  • Favourite movie: The Covenant
  • Favourite band or musician: AFI
  • Favourite genre of music: Rock
  • Favourite artist: AFI
  • Favourite poet or writer: Dante Alighieri
  • Favourite photographer: My dad
  • Favourite style of art: I'm not Sure
  • MP3 player of choice: ???
  • Wallpaper of choice: My Own Artwork
  • Favourite game: DDR
  • Favourite cartoon character: Zero off of Nightmare before Christmas
  • Personal Quote: "I'd rathe rbe hated for What I am than Be Loved For What I am Not."
  • Tools of the Trade: Uh...

deviantART Notice

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Devious Comments

=Neo-Wolf06:iconNeo-Wolf06: Feb 6, 2007, 1:54:40 PM
i jsut wanted u to kno how much i am honoured that u support my work by becoming my freind here on dA :)
~johnny-dangerously:iconjohnny-dangerously: Nov 23, 2006, 7:19:24 PM
Hey, where've you been?

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Who is the form, following the function of what, and what I am is a man in a mask.

I can see that.

Im not questioning your powers of observation, im merely remarking on the paradox of asking a masked man, who he is.
~xXxThexLostxWayxXx:iconxXxThexLostxWayxXx: Oct 18, 2006, 5:05:27 PM
No prob.

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Up The Punx!
~littlecarolinaspider:iconlittlecarolinaspider: Oct 17, 2006, 8:50:57 PM
aww, watch-friend! i feel special. 'ty!

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Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do.

--Voltaire
~Choobelette:iconChoobelette: Oct 17, 2006, 2:02:25 PM Mood: Love
Oo. Thanks for watching me!
:D :bow:

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DISCLAIMER: I do not argue for or against anything. I merely state facts and use logic. The argument will continue when you disagree with the truth.

HURRA Webcomic Type Thinger = [link]
~Veoki:iconVeoki: Oct 16, 2006, 8:47:46 PM
Saw your link on the AFI OMB, thought I'd drop you a line.

Nice photography skillz. :p
~Rafe-x:iconRafe-x: Oct 16, 2006, 8:30:44 PM
Thanks for the Devwatch.

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-=Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation begets disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest.=-
~xXxThexLostxWayxXx:iconxXxThexLostxWayxXx: Oct 15, 2006, 3:04:35 PM
No problem, you rock.

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Up The Punx!
~TheWhoreNextDoor:iconTheWhoreNextDoor: Oct 15, 2006, 1:19:58 PM
thankie for the watch. ^.^
~xXxThexLostxWayxXx:iconxXxThexLostxWayxXx: Oct 15, 2006, 12:09:47 PM
aww...you have a life. LOL, better than me at least, if that makes you feel better.

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Up The Punx!
~crywiltedrose:iconcrywiltedrose: Oct 15, 2006, 12:02:32 PM
thank you. ive been home all day and my video game isnt working so ive just been sitting on the computer learning new stuff on my photo editor..i feel like i have no life..but its fun.
~BlkCat:iconBlkCat: Oct 14, 2006, 6:31:31 PM
Thanks for the :+fav: and the watch >^.^<

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Truth before Ma'at
Truth before the law

~Heru Set Sebek~:
Kemet is Egypt, Egypt is part of me, I can steal the word to name myself
~MaybeJuly:iconMaybeJuly: Oct 14, 2006, 6:29:15 PM
Thanks for the favs!

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:heart: Making love with my ego :heart:
~xXxThexLostxWayxXx:iconxXxThexLostxWayxXx: Oct 14, 2006, 6:01:09 PM
Oh, that sux.

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Up The Punx!
~xXxThexLostxWayxXx:iconxXxThexLostxWayxXx: Oct 14, 2006, 6:00:44 PM
Yeah, I really love your work. It's so beautiful. I wish I were as talented as you.

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Up The Punx!
~crywiltedrose:iconcrywiltedrose: Oct 14, 2006, 5:33:49 PM
lol thanks. actually i havent. its probably just your internet
~crywiltedrose:iconcrywiltedrose: Oct 14, 2006, 5:26:37 PM
thank you for the complement :) and for all the faves!!
~johnny-dangerously:iconjohnny-dangerously: Oct 7, 2006, 8:22:49 PM
:glomp: Thanks for the watch.

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Who is the form, following the function of what, and what I am is a man in a mask.

I can see that.

Im not questioning your powers of observation, im merely remarking on the paradox of asking a masked man, who he is.
~johnny-dangerously:iconjohnny-dangerously: Oct 4, 2006, 10:56:55 AM
Hey, awesome gallery so far. Welcome to deviant art. A.F.I is awesome. *watches*

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Who is the form, following the function of what, and what I am is a man in a mask.

I can see that.

Im not questioning your powers of observation, im merely remarking on the paradox of asking a masked man, who he is.
~infinity0:iconinfinity0: Sep 23, 2006, 12:29:55 PM
welcome to dA :aww:

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